http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvNcsgJ2RBA Killer video of one of my favorites. Embedding is disabled, too bad.

Current Mood: rejuvenated

but decided to log on today.

Lots of life changes.

1) I'm (hopefully) near the end of a long, messy divorce. I've been 'on my own' since December, and am happier than I've ever been in my life with me and kids... legal mess notwithstanding.

2) I'm self-employed as a Massage Therapist, Ignite independant associate (in Texas and Georgia I can save you $ on your energy bill http://rewatkins.igniteinc.biz )

3) I haven't had time to write anything for fun in ages, or to even read a book. I'll be finished with my associates' in December, and will soon be figuring out where I'm going for my further work.

4) I really need to replace that picture that's my icon... here's another photo:

I know, I haven't updated this thing in forever, and I'm not really involved in fandom much anymore, but wanted to revisit here for a bit. And I still do want to keep in touch somewhat, and once my life settles down I may see about maybe writing a little more.

Life Update: have 14 hours this semester (Human Growth and Development, Anatomy and Physiology 2, Public Speaking, English, and a phys ed). Knocked out 10 semester hours over the summer. Working 4 days a week as a massage therapist and personal trainer (certified in Basic Barbell Training through Crossfit - http://crossfit.com - most awesome fitness program around) at a local gym, been there about six months now, and selling electricity on the side to hopefully make some extra money ( http://rewatkins.igniteinc.biz available in Texas and Georgia, good rates).

Anyway, I got an e-mail this week about You Can't Have One Without the Other, and it really hit home about all the things with the story. All the negativity about the ending on Ashwinder came down to "He deserves to be happy! Hermione knew what she was getting into, so it's up to her to suck it up and make him happy."

I wrote the ending on The Petulant Poetess because that was the only possible way I could see for them to be 'happy' together. In other words, it was intentionally ironic. Neither of them was truly happy in that ending; they were co-dependant and pathetic.

Something I've come to see about life in general:

One person cannot base their happiness on another person. Yes, people can do things that can cause you difficulty and hardship, or do things which can cheer you up, but true happiness of an adult can NEVER be another person's responsibility. I'm reminded of the saying: "Money can't make you happy, but the lack of it can make you miserable."

This is where I was so very, very wrong at the start of the story. It's been four years since I started that story. I believed then that it was possible, and even good, for someone to make it their life's mission to make another person happy. Doing good things for others, and being a good friend is admirable; however, it is never up to one person to bear the responsibility of another person's happiness. This is what Severus was doing to Hermione in the story, and because she was inexperienced with life, and was easily manipulated by someone looking to gain something at her expense, and because he was an authority figure who she respected (yes, this does figure strongly, no matter that she tried to see herself as his equal, she couldn't).

NO MATTER WHAT she agreed to, she could not have understood ahead of time what she was agreeing to, and that what she stood to lose in upholding her promise was her very sense of self, no matter how 'nice' he was or how often he let her go out and do things. She would never be capable of living up to her full potential like that.

Hermione's happiness was unimportant, at first by me as I wrote her into such a miserable position in life, and by Severus as he insisted on holding her to something she was incapable of doing and being herself, and by those who insisted that Severus's happiness took precedence over hers. I've even felt angry a few times over the last few months reading responses to the story, not only that I was capable of being so blind as to write that and believe it was a good thing, but then to the ending, with so many believing that Hermione seeking a life for herself, rather than devoting her life to being what Severus needed/demanded of her, was a selfish and despicable act. Being a complete, independant person who can draw clear boundaries and understand what they are and are not capable of is not selfishness.

But I think it's one of those things that you can't really understand from certain perspectives, and that's all about experience.

Hi all,

It's been something of a long fandom-break... well, maybe 'break' is the wrong word, since I'm not really getting back into fandom by writing or reading. I simply don't have time anymore. But life has been amazing lately, though stressful. Not all stress is a bad thing, and it's been a steep learning curve getting used to working (as a Massage Therapist at a gym, wonderful job with tremendous opportunity, and five minutes from my school), dealing with people from a number of backgrounds and social rungs, having a schedule that is insanely unpredictable (when I'm a person who lives by routine and habit), and school.

I'm not sure I mentioned some things on this user-name... I've been trying to keep personal life off this journal for the most part, as I've been somewhat paranoid about linking fandom and real-life, though I figure this journal isn't so terribly unsecure and probably isn't widely read.

This is an interesting year for me. In a number of ways. I know some things of the ways I've changed thinking of things have showed through in some of my writings starting with the block that slowed progress of my fanfic. Other things I've come to realise as well, and have had many things happen over the course of this year, last year, and have things to come which have been incredible learning opportunities. Where once I saw nothing but roadblocks to a good future, it seems the paths are clear, and the obstacles are only minor issues easily worked around or over.

Life is beautiful. I can't sit still long enough anymore to write much more than my assignments, and student government activities, and whatever I have to do for work and e-mail checking... But I've been thinking more lately of all the wonderful people in fandom I got to know over the years I was involved, and I'd like to catch up again on some things.

So I'll be trying to get here to read the flist once a week or so.

It hit me suddenly today. It was time to finish it. I can't describe how I feel right now. Maybe this shouldn't feel like such a big thing, but I had to come to some conclusions and realizations before I could post the ending of the story, You Can't Have One Without The Other.

I read it over, and realized that it is the correct ending.

I'm sorry that it's not the ending many of you will be wishing and hoping for, but it is the ending I have written.

This feels very strange.

ETA: I'm apparently not a validated author on ashwinder anymore. I really wanted this to post on both the sites I post on at the same time, but oh well. I guess that's the way it goes. Thanks Celisnebula! Apparently it's just a minor glitch and she kicked the beast for me and made it work.

It's time I stopped kidding myself about writing future stories, at least fanfic. I've got a few that I'm going to try and give away to other writers though. This was going to be my answer to Snape after DH... Would anyone care to take it off my hands and feed it and stuff? I don't think it's a bad start to a story, I just really can't do it anymore.

Still trying to get the last of my really big fic done, and then I'm done with the fanfic, I think. It's a matter of putting life priorities in the right place for me, and writing fanfic just won't be a possibility for me for a very long time, except for trying to finish that one story.

So, here you go, the start of a fic, about 2K words. Start of a Snape OFC and enough info here to take off with. :-) I'd like to visit if you take and feed it and see what comes of it, so let me know.

( Read more... )

These were handed out in total seriousness at my church when I was a child (well, not all of them, some are new). These were/are believed in total seriousness. Just going back through some of these that were in print when I was a kid is just so weird… it’s funny, but at the same time, people really believe this!!! Some of these are just plain funny, and others are just scary. This was simply part of being raised Baptist.


It all starts with believing in the Tooth Fairy, and before you know it, your child will become a serial killer. Yes, it’s all true, just read this:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1033/1033_01.asp

The freemasons; nice philanthropists who help children or evil OCCULT fraternity? They’re all going STRAIGHT TO HELL! Don’t let them trick you into swearing fealty to the Masonry God, who is only Baal (AKA LUCIFER) in disguise… http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1036/1036_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0093/0093_01.asp

Don’t let those evil Mormons fool you! http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0061/0061_01.asp

Don’t let the evil Catholics fool you either! http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01.asp


Everyone has a personal demon assigned by Satan to lead them from THE WAY!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0004/0004_01.asp

Halloween is the witches time to kill children in the name of Satan!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0058/0058_01.asp

God can even save the sodomites! The devil loves it when people take it up the @$$, but god can help you; he even helped the gay pastor who was going STRAIGHT TO HELL become straight.
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5003/5003_01.asp


Comic relief: http://community.livejournal.com/chicklist/profile

http://community.livejournal.com/fuhqchick/

Current Mood: amused

Hi fandom!

How has everyone been? Just realised it's been a while, then checked and discovered its been 5 weeks since I updated this thing. I've been posting to my RL journal here on LJ, but for fandom have been hitting InsaneJournal (though still not very active).

Anyway, I'm still alive and well, just not online as much as I used to be, and trying to change my online focus to real-life relevant stuff simply because I need to get crap done and life is busy.

Oh, and I've got a real picture of me (that I took myself holding the camera at arm's length).

I've been writing (and Valady, I'm still working on that prompt, I'm so slow), a little bit. I do have the old files back, yay! Studying is a priority though, and I've already had a paper to write, another one due next week, and I have to stay with the math before it buries me.

A forray into Tarot stuff this morning turned up this site: http://www.housewivestarot.com

This is a hilarious tarot deck, and one I'll probably be adding to my collection soon. They have a three card spread there on the site, and I did a few layouts. They're surprisingly poingnient for things "Stop and Smell the roses, don't decapitate them!", while being very cute at the same time. There are desktop backgrounds, even! LOL Oh, I love it! It's so kitchy!

I'm not sure how much I 'believe' in tarot, though I've seen some people use the deck with great skill, and I've dabbled in it. I add a deck to my collection every so often, and give away a deck if one jumps out that needs to be given to someone once in a while.

I now have Semagic and am posting with it. Seemed easy so far, except I can't figure out how to get it to post to InsaneJournal as well.

I'm googling fanvids. I was thinking it would be a good idea to get them at school, put them on the flashdrive, and bring them home that way. Otherwise, a single 3 min vid can take 3 hours to download. If I get up there tomorrow (no classes, but a student government meeting I might as well go to), are there any great fanvids anyone would reccomend?

There was one a long time ago that I did take the time to download, had a song that I think was called "Go" at least that was the main lyric, and it was all about Quidditch. Prety good one.

Tagged by dream_labrinth.

1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it.

1) I have to have the bed all nice and neat before I get into it. Even if I'm lazy in the morning and leave it unmade, I have to make it all straight and neat before I get in it to go to sleep. Hubby thinks its crazy.

2) I enjoy oatmeal, plain cooked oatmeal with nothing added (though I'll add cinamon sometimes). I hate any 'improvements' on oatmeal intended to make it more convenient to make.

3) My user name is taken from one of my favorite sub-stories in "Time Enough for Love" -- Dora (though her last name wasn't Long, as Lazrus Long was under another alias at the time). He later named his spaceship 'Dora' after her.

4) I love Indian Food, but it's only an occasional treat, and something I'm attempting to learn to cook myself (and starting to have some success, but it's tricky and ingredients are difficult to find in redneckville).

5) I do 90% or more of the lawn mowing. An acre. With a push mower, though tend to break it up into one-hour a day segments, and it takes 3 or 4 segments to mow the back yard (backyard only lately, overly helpful neighbor mows most of the front yard with large tractor). I highly reccomend this for keeping in shape. ;-)

6) I like watching LOGO when no one else is home (GLBT network).

7) I'm Asatru: Religion of the Old Norse Pantheon. I wear a Thor's Hammer. This doesn't discourage the local church preacher from inviting me to church pot-luck dinners when he's out doing the door-to-door thing. We got into a theological discussion once; he was confused.

And I'm tagging: um... selened, snarkypants, valady (oh, and I am working on that drabble, I had to pull out books and surf the HP lexicon to check stuff for the idea that your prompt gave me!), doomspark, ginger_dragon, blacksquirrel, wmchichiri

And anyone else who wants to do it too! ;-P

Oh, and since the 'helpful neighbor' was in there. *sigh* TANSTAAFL.

He's offering to let us use his satelite internet service if it'll reach (and it will, a friend detected it on his laptop here last week) and I'm almost tempted. Soon, my internet speed will double to a whole whopping 56K modem! WOOT! I'm currently on a 28K modem. But he's offering for FREE. Like he's been mowing our front yard for FREE (actually, he mows all the front yards on our little street except for the people he doesn't like, just to make a point to NOT mow their yard, I think). He recently gave me some software which I ended up not using because he'd registered it on too many computers already.

TANSTAAFLE, for those who haven't seen the term = "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch." I'm just waiting to find out what all he wants exactly. Likely something to do with his crazy lawsuit with the land dealers who fudged some things slightly that we all got our land from. *sigh* I don't want to be involved... I don't... *whine*

Current Mood: tired

Sitting up at school. I thought I was lost when I first went looking for my classes, but then went to admin and discovered that my classes aren't what I thought they were... well, the times anyway. I'll have to change one of them, which met yesterday, and the history is later than I wanted, but I can work with it. My fault for not double-checking after I registered and ASSuming that the classes would remain as advertised in the schedule book they print. But they're also dealing with more students than they have room for this semester.

*headdesk* x 4

It's nice to see LJ in high-speed. All your cool animated icons actually WORK! LOL.

And excessive cleavage and midriffs of the bouncy youthy types showing is distracting. Nice, but distracting. Not school appropriate, I think. Just sayin.

While I wait, I'll go ahead and read the Draco-fic which was rec'd to me that I've been meaning to read.

Current Mood: surprised

I've FINALLY got the old computer down at the pro-geek shop and should hopefully have my old files back soon. Once done, writing will commence. School is starting this coming week, and I'm going part-time so will have time to write, I hope, YAY! This means that YCHOWTO, finally, will be coming to a close... soon. I've been writing down snippets and notes I want to go into the final chapter, and hopefully will be able to pull it all together. I need to re-read some more chapters to be sure I don't leave too many gaping holes. Once finished, work will begin in earnest on the original novel, my next fanfic which will be DH compliant (oh, and I need to read some good Draco Malfoy fic that is as canon as possible to better get into his character), and another fic I'm jotting down snippets of (Snape! post DH! Guess how I get him out of his predicament??? LOL!).

Does anyone have a rec for a Draco fic (preferably gen, but if not, must be character-driven and light on smut) that they'd consider the most 'canon' Draco possible? I haven't read much Draco fic, and after DH, I find I can see the possibility of him being likable, and someone who can move beyond the nasty little boy he was for most of what we saw in the first 5 books.

Current Mood: creative

Realised earlier that I've finally reached a point where I'm really and truly comfortable with my body for the first time in my adult life. Oh, it's not perfect, and I've still got jiggly bits, but...( Read more... )

I've developed an aversion to meat lately. I'm not sure if I'm going to end up vegitarian, or if it's a self-correction to the slightly more than occasional indulging I've done in the food department over the last few weeks. Cool thing on getting the body working right, I crave what I need and feel 'eww' on things that are bad for me. ( Read more... )

I've been lazy on the exercise lately, but last night, realising it's been a while and I felt like crap from sitting too long at the computer I did about 20 min between the bike and various exercises and felt much better. I'm working on my biceps more lately. They're growing. I'm going to have muscly arms! I think muscles on women are hot anyway, there you go.

And we went and met the kids teachers earlier this evening. They're both in smaller classes than they were last year, which I'm glad for... I think they've managed to hire more teachers or something.

I'll be registering for school tomorrow morning. I'm thinking of just taking 6 hours this semester. I could fit 9 hours in T/TH, but I'm still wavering. Speech seems like it should be a fairly easy class, I think? Anyway, Math and History are definite. I want to have an easier semester than the last one, but at the same time, taking it easy also means it takes longer to get done.

And I want to go find some fic to read, but I'm in one of those weird moods where nothing seems to be quite what I'm looking for on reading. I should go look and see if there have been updates on the WIPs I've been keeping up with.

So, someone takes the time to make a quiz about american history, but yet... oh, it speaks for itself:

You Are a Smart American

You know a lot about US history, and you're opinions are probably well informed. Congratulations on bucking stereotypes. Now go show some foreigners how smart Americans can be.

So I'm catching up on the journal transfer. This will also include transfering my fanfic to the new name, but I'll hold on that until I've finished YCHOWTO, leave the story up for a few months, and then probably take down most of my fanfic and work on focusing on original fic.

I've gone through and done some friending back, and will be doing some more. If I've missed you in the kerfluffle, please don't take it personally, I'm still dealing with a slow modem even if my computer is nice and fast now. And whew, playing a few games on this computer so far has been great. I almost feel like going and getting some cool games I've not bought because my old computer was so slow. Civilization4 was the last one I tried and discovered I couldn't run, but I'm thinking of going with something else, since Civ3 is pretty good for me.

On the weight loss front, I've finally fit *comfortably* into the pants that were my 'ultimate goal pants' and now I'm feeling a little lost...( and I've cut this part for those who don't want to read my long ramble on body stuff )

Current Mood: content

I'm back online!!! I have a LOT of things to install and so forth, and though I'm still stuck on 26K dial-up, but I have a very good, and new, computer. I'm still reeling from the sticker shock, and hoping the budget can recover over the next few months. Anyway, I will be getting all caught up over the next few days, finishing out the LJ transfer, ect, ect...

It's soooo good to be online again!!!

Oh, and I'll be taking my old hard drive to a place to see if they can recover my files for me.

A few people sought refuge over at greatestjournal yesterday during the LJ outage, but it seemed to die down as soon as LJ came back (which was also my bedtime). I've managed, I think, to find most of my lj friends over there who have GJs, and I'm still working on the transfer of LJ user names, friending people I need to friend and all that. Geez, it's almost like moving, so many things where you go "oh yeah! I need to remember that, too!"

I've been writing again some, wrote quite a bit yesterday, 1,500ish words on YCHOWTO. Thing is, I've got plot bunnies hopping for other stories, so the plot bunnies for the other stories hopped on my uncompleted monster and woke the muse up and told her to finish because I've got to start on them once I've done with this one. Anyway, it was great as I checked the word count to see so much accomplished (and that was very rough draft, which is like condensed soup...)

Will open writing stuff and get back on it today too.

Oh, and LOL at the results of this meme nabbed from dream_labrynth

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I'll be friending people back on this journal before my other is deleted.

My identity isn't exactly super secret, just feel more secure this way, and will be working on cleaning up any RL names/places in the coming months that may be spread over the internet.

Current Mood: calm